i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
