At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
