I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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