This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
