"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
