I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
pop tarts are not kleenex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
