we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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