Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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