You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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