You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
