I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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