The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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