Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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