yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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