I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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