I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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