My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
