I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
