ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
