cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
