Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
