After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
