So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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