I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
