walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
