I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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