the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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