Whod you bang
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
