Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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