found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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