i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
whose parrot is this?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
