Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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