She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
