Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
