i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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