It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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