You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
