Screwed.edu
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
