i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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