if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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