she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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