FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
