My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
