Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
