Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
