why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
