Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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