Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
