This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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