im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
