I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
