im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
