They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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