dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
