How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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