so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
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Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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