You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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