I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
