Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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