Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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