Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
