I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
