I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
