____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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