HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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