I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
