everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
