There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
