Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
