So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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