it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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