Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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