I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
