I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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