Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
