if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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