woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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