the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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