some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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