at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
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I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.