I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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