If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
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I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar