Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I want you more than these girls want KFC
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..