I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.