You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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