Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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