I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
