you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
