I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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