Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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