I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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