He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
