Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
