Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
