apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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