I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
